Year 8 And 9

Ever been in that moment where your mind screams "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?" Thats what i feel right now my heart doesn’t want to be lonely anymore I don’t want to be smiling in my friends shadows anymore I know I crave attention but I cant help it I try but still I’ll laugh at what Jess laughs at I’ll like whatever she likes when she’s around. When I’m with Tahlia I’m completely different I’m living in the shadows, I’m getting to the stage where I don’t care anymore. Hate me? Go ahead join the line of people who would love to tear strips off me if you love me then tell me because I don’t really feel like I’m here no more I’m so tired of smiling when id rather be CRYING. I don’t go to sleep cursing other people for what they’ve done, all the names I get called all the stupid little comments "kill yourself faster" "she’s a ugly fat slut" "go cut emo kid" ever heard sticks and stoned may break her bones but words could make her starve herself to death? I smile while all of you guys are watching but when you turn your backs for even a second I’m trying to stop from crying

I wrote that in year 8, I wrote a lot of things in year 8 but this is one of them. I began to think I was a mistake, I’m a freak, I’m ugly, I’m fat, if I kill myself no one would care, this is never going to stop, I’m going to die from my own starvation and everyone hated me. I understand that I had to go threw that to help people, so I can tell them I was nearly bullied to death for 2 years and I survived it. It might have damaged my self esteem and happiness for the rest of my life, but I wouldn’t be Taz with out my negative ways. If only you were in my computer class last year. Me and jess j would sit there reading cyanide and happiness, playing pacman and talking about random shit the whole time. We would fight over chairs and we would chase each other around the room. That’s the real me, that’s rarely there but you did leave a piece of me for me to grow back.